Sunday Blues

Recently my focus just feel off.  I feel unmotivated and everything seems like draining my energy.  I dont know why this feeling just linger longer than usual. Maybe because it feels like im losing touch with my past relationship and life starts feels so empty.  Im losing one meaningful relationship and it cause me to this annoyed mood that makes me feel bad mnyself.

I recognize this feelings and then start to find some help and organizing it.  And here i am, writing and try to explaining the issues that i feel, i try to tracking down the 'why' and the reason why im feeling it.

I may cut the relationship too fast, end up regreting it.  I always thing that i am this independent and strong woman that have all the things i need and then when people makes a mistake - a mistake that hurts me. I intend to cut all the bridge and suffering my self.  I dont know, sometimes it feels more harm to my self, to pretend that i am more superior, but im hurt as much as it.

I dont know whats right and wrong, as i believe that everything have perspective and no such thing as 'absolute truth'. We live by this perspective, this beliefs we want to hold, to make us can cope on the hard situation.  

One of the advice i read on fast company article is : asking my self 'what can I do everyday that makes me feel fulfilled? what do i need in a job to make me enjoy it?

Maybe some of my to do list thing is : to be able to speak my mind strategically, not as an impulse, to be bold and not taking it personal and stop overthinking everything, especiall things that i cant control.

My job is not my life, its not defining me, its not where i put all of my resources, just a part of it.  Because i still have anything else out of it.  Dont put all the eggs in one bucket- put your happiness in some baskets that you can still find it anywhere.

Try to let go.  Let go of things i cant control, things that cant make me happy.  Try to own a decision, believe it, and keep going.  Show up, face the uncomfortable situation, and let it happen. You are not perfect and never will be, there will always be this loophole you cant avoid.  But its okay.  You can still own it and deserve happiness.

Sunday always leave me with this uncomfortable situation with my thoughts, space to reflect of how my life is, to think about my mistakes, my failure, my messed up decision.  Leave me alone and cant help but start to makes me wonder.

i should go on, and find... or create more interesting to do to sparks the light.