"Always A Perfect Time for Woman to Shine"

Netlix Mini Series : The Chair

Menjadi Ketua Jurusan di era sekarang, dengan gerakan mahasiswa, dan perkataan yang harus dipikirkan matang-matang, menjadi tantangan bagi Dr Jii Yoon-Kim untuk memimpin jurusan sastra inggris bersama dengan dosen-dosen senior, politik kampus dan permasalahan pribadinya.

Bersama dengan teman lamanya, Professor Bill Dobson yang tidak sengaja membuat kekacauan, Dr Jii Yoon-Kim harus memecahkan masalah yang semakin rumit sementara mulai mengembangkan love interest dengan sahabatnya itu.

Mini series dengan enam episode ini memiliki premis yang menarik, tentang bagaimana seorang perempuan, memberdayakan dan 'berusaha' memimpin dengan cara yang spesial khas perempuan, tentunya. Serta menggambarkan sosok Dr Jii Yoon-Kim yang juga memutuskan untuk mengadopsi anak meskipun tanpa suami, yang semakin menambah kompleksitas dan sisi sisi lain dari penggambaran cerita di series ini.

Wanita di series ini memang digambarkan sebagai sosok yang memiliki masalah yang kompleks, memperjuangkan 'posisi'nya sebagai pemimpin, karier, menuntut kesetaraan dan mendapatkan kesempatan yang sama, upaya menyeimbangkan antara professional life dan personal life, berusaha menyeimbangkannya dan tetap dapat menjalani hidup dengan dinamika dinamikanya.

#movierecommendation

Sunday Blues

Recently my focus just feel off.  I feel unmotivated and everything seems like draining my energy.  I dont know why this feeling just linger longer than usual. Maybe because it feels like im losing touch with my past relationship and life starts feels so empty.  Im losing one meaningful relationship and it cause me to this annoyed mood that makes me feel bad mnyself.

I recognize this feelings and then start to find some help and organizing it.  And here i am, writing and try to explaining the issues that i feel, i try to tracking down the 'why' and the reason why im feeling it.

I may cut the relationship too fast, end up regreting it.  I always thing that i am this independent and strong woman that have all the things i need and then when people makes a mistake - a mistake that hurts me. I intend to cut all the bridge and suffering my self.  I dont know, sometimes it feels more harm to my self, to pretend that i am more superior, but im hurt as much as it.

I dont know whats right and wrong, as i believe that everything have perspective and no such thing as 'absolute truth'. We live by this perspective, this beliefs we want to hold, to make us can cope on the hard situation.  

One of the advice i read on fast company article is : asking my self 'what can I do everyday that makes me feel fulfilled? what do i need in a job to make me enjoy it?

Maybe some of my to do list thing is : to be able to speak my mind strategically, not as an impulse, to be bold and not taking it personal and stop overthinking everything, especiall things that i cant control.

My job is not my life, its not defining me, its not where i put all of my resources, just a part of it.  Because i still have anything else out of it.  Dont put all the eggs in one bucket- put your happiness in some baskets that you can still find it anywhere.

Try to let go.  Let go of things i cant control, things that cant make me happy.  Try to own a decision, believe it, and keep going.  Show up, face the uncomfortable situation, and let it happen. You are not perfect and never will be, there will always be this loophole you cant avoid.  But its okay.  You can still own it and deserve happiness.

Sunday always leave me with this uncomfortable situation with my thoughts, space to reflect of how my life is, to think about my mistakes, my failure, my messed up decision.  Leave me alone and cant help but start to makes me wonder.

i should go on, and find... or create more interesting to do to sparks the light.

weekend melancholy

Its always this melancholys vibe when it comes to weekend.  Especially when i dont have any drunk plans or more interesting person to meet.

Weekend will be always be dilematics for me, for doing things that makes me happy, to be left alone with my thoughts and ask my self, what do you really want? do you enjoy your typical, daily, and this ordinary life? or do you start wanting something more for yourself that makes you feel more alive and stop feeling numb?

do you even love yourself enough to be happy and stop feeling stuck and depressed in your sad fate and unlucky situation.  can you finally come up with the idea that you are worth enough and deserve more than who you are now? do you really want an upgrade or you just dealing with some shit over and over again because you just feel afraid and scare to be the one that left alone?

The overthinking weekend, the hopeless one.  Feeling lonely and wondering, do i have more future, can i move from my situation and get out from the 'stuck' spot i deal with? can i get my own happiness to be that independent, bold, fun, fearless woman i always have in my thoughts or have that dream house, dream car, and things i always wondering i can have?

The gap from the dream and the reality, in the weekend.  To be the one who have more power to act in the devastating situation, unlucky fate or messed place to come out, to be more than what you are before, to grow more enough to make something good enough for yourself before you die and leave this world, but also satisfied enough to do the crazy and enjoying the fucking proccess in the making.

for that i will say, happy weekend.  and hope i can find the 'happy' part.