Pada Hening Malam Setelah Senja Berlalu

Apa kabarmu, matahari?
Sepertikukah sudah pura baik saja
dan berkuat melupakan hal hal yang tidak ada jawabannya

Hening demi hening yang berlalu
bayangan bayangan hanya sekedar lalu

catatan perjalanan ini adalah tentang kehilangan
kemudian menemukan diri sendiri

di tengah keengganan memulai kembali
berkutat dengan diri sendiri

aku menyukai hari hari yang penuh dengan catatan kaki
agar cepat senja berlalu
dan akhirnya aku akan lupa
menatap kosong pada matahari

perlahan lahan, aku mulai menyukai
rona sepi dalam jingga matahari
dan gelap yang datang
sudah jadi teman
karena tidak akan ada lagi
takut yang asing dalam rongga rongga hati

Hello, Fourtwnty

fourtwnty @whatsup_cafe

Thu, 17/10/2017

As an introvert person (my pers opinion) watching a concert never be a comfort zones for me.  To blended with too many people in a room, listening a music that i cant hear clearly cause the noise, or the band member i cant really see because i sit too far and never have a temptation to get in the crowd.  Then why, you watching it? lol.  

For me its about getting out of my comfort zones, listening a song that the one that make it tell to us, that may we can see the band member that is actually shy, or talkative, or maybe way not like the lyrics they made.  But going to concert, its not for them, its for me, to catching the spirit, to fun, to try to feel joy even its hot and crowded.  And after Afgan when highschool and barasuara, this is my third time and im going to do it more. <3

Appreciation Post #2

thank you for cake and coffee

I think last time i had a cake was at the academy when i really have friends that i meet in daily basis.  Actually im not that kind of people who likes to meet people everyday, that i mostly prefer time alone with movies or books rather than go out and talk to lot of people. Sometimes i getting annoyed by people too.  Lol.  But now, i think i have some friends to talk to on daily basis at a line group, that i dont have to go out to meet people, just chat.  They are people i talk to almost everyday, even i think we dont really know each other that well.  But the atmosphere when we meet is just fun and laugh, or try to planning a trip (just success at one trip) but its okay.  We also have another friends and have our own bussiness but i think we just like to make friends.

Sometimes, i feel like i hate being too attached to some people and start to be demanding and needy.  So i love to have some friends that is close but not that close so i still have a space in my own. And i still have company if i need an actual human being besides me. lol. But somehow when im with them, they could makes me forget about the 'another' world, about the sadness.  Just adapting to life that was cheerful and fun.

And this is actually another appreciation post for people who still there even im not in my best human being form.  Thank you for staying longer to deal with my bad and my messy behaviour, and my inability to treating people right.  You deserve the world.  Thankyou very much, gaes. Luv ya <3

Appreciation Post

Not so long ago i just feel lost, like its all f* up and i really feel unloved, unwanted.  Want to stay out of the world, tired of meeting people and dissapear from any human's relationship as possible. LOL.  Its because i feel broken and dissapointed from things that go out in the world. Just unhappy.

But then, some people amazed me by still hang there and be kind to me even when im not so kind and good.  Even im not really appreciated them, they are some of my friends. One and two things happen and then i just realized that you just can't stay out of the world you live in.  There is some kindness of your heart that you dont see it yet.  You just need some fresh perspective.  You can start to fall in love with your life again, even sometimes you need an effort to see it.

And thank you friends, for makes me seeing that.

Sometimes you just can find happiness in the most unhappy situation.  Its relieved now that i have some resources to make my self happy, doing things.  Read some book, watch some movie alone, going out alone, make peace with my self, and then i cut my hair short, just for the change feeling.  Now i feel more content than before, more energized, cause i promise my self to not dwelling in the past and do things that makes my self unhappy.

Some books are really helpful, recently i interested with sufism and the idea of being happiness in that perspective is really peaceful.  All the lesson of life, is about your wish and desire to be content, to be happy, to get out from your blues.  The main point from sufism from that book is about your better attitude to facing the world with a willing to being better.

*Hang out at a cafe and try to making a conversations.  

Go out, find inspiration, and do things that makes you happier, K!

#blessed

First Run in October

Wake up in the morning, feeling the smells of the morning, with little rain, making your (literally) heart tired and thirsty, until your feet feels something after all the rest day, busy with routines and laziness.  Even after that i feel dizzy (too long not having a run), its feel satisfied to check one of your list to run in the morning, even the result is not there yet.  

I ever heard about someone that is obsessed to feed their ego to checklist all their to do list. I think im in the middle, i feel satisfied when i checked too, but its not the point, i think the poin is to doing something, that is based by your thought.  To run, (hopefully) loss some weight, see the sun rise, take a picture of it while enjoying the music with headset.  Its a good way to start a morning... if you are not continuing this with sleeping... but wash and go to work with some high spirit, when before writing this post, because you want to post daily and making some kind of journal after your birthday.  Well... okay then...

Have a good day at the Friday, 13th october 2017 , everyone!

Who Are You, K?

So recently, i write at a whiteboard and upload it at instastory, then my friend, @v.indrawati asked me about, am i ENFP person.  I never take the test and try it.  And voila, the result i am is ENFP person.  Its interesting that she can guess my personality based by my writing thats similar to her friend.

So, i take the test and getting the ENFP results:

ENFP

So, the strength based by the web, www.16personalities.com is curious, observant, energetic and ethusiastic, excellent communicators, know how to relax, very popular and friendly and the weakness is poor practical skills, find it diificult to focus, overthink things, get stressed easily, highly emotional, independent to a fault,

Then, by the definition at wikipedia, ENFPs are an 'outgoing and creative with the key skill of perceiving complicated patterns and information and assimilating it quickly.  Driven by keen devotion to their ideals and a strong drive to help others.  Less developed are their patience for routine tasks, and projection of serious, committed image.  David Keirsey (one of MBTI assesment developer) referred to ENFPs as Champios, on of the four types belonging to the temperament he called the Idealist, account about 7% of the population. 

Out of curiousity, today i take the test again, by thinking some perspectives again and get a different results, ENTP.

Based by www.16personalities.com, "smart and curious thinkers who cannot resist an intellectual challenge" Strength is knowledgeable, quick thinkers, excellent brainstomers, charismatic, energetic, while the weakness is very argumentative, insensitive, intolerant, can find it difficult to focus, dislike practical matters.

Or based by wikipedia is, (myers-brigg description) clever, cerebrally and verbally quick, enthusiastic, outgoing, innovative, flexible, loyal, and resourceful.  Motivated by a desire to understand and improve the world they live in.  

I am so much more!

Taking the test makes me think that we are have so many things, defined by our every-day action.  My self now, the choice i make when i take the test, would be different if i take it 5 years ago, or 5 years later (i think) because our experience make us changed, the momentum, every situation we face, problem we solved, even the hardest thing now we still try to go through, are make us who we are.  

I hope at this age, i would like to try any option, keep the option open.  Be very thankful to life i live now.  Because like, the best gift at my 26 is... i still can breath and living my life.  With all of the pain or happiness, its the mix that makes my life more woth and have a value to my self.  For now, i think i can be more relax and happier to welcoming my ages, without any big expectation.  Just try all the work i know everyday, live it, and be more happy and thankful than before.  Alhamdulillah.

yang keduapuluhenam

untuk kehidupan yang telah diberikan
dua puluh enam tahun lamanya
kadang syukur kadang keluh
di tiap tarikan nafas
silih berganti

hari berganti hari
hati berganti isi
jiwa yang kadang ramai kadang sepi
diri sendiri yang kadang gundah, kadang mampu mengerti

hari ini bertambah satu
kesyukuran yang mampu dijalani

bahwa masih mampu bertahan
memberanikan diri untuk hidup

untuk tidak menyerah
untuk sekali lagi bangkit dan berjalan

hey, jangan dulu lelah
masih ada jalan ke depan

bangun dan sambut mentari pagi
seperti yang sudah sudah

dua puluh enam tahun lamanya
semoga menjadi makin bijak, dan makin bahagia
hingga nanti, selama lamanya.

:)

hari ini dan terbangun pada mimpi

suatu hari .
kamu akan terbangun dari mimpi
kemudian tiba tiba saja sadar
kalau dia sudah pergi
lama sekali

dan kamu sudah sama sekali tidak memikirkannya lagi

mungkin saja nanti kamu akan sadar
juga mengerti

untuk bisa bersama

bukan hanya pada inginmu dan degupmu

tapi pada alasan klise
seperti, masih mampukah dia
membuatmu tidak menangis lagi

atau kamu hanya betah
pada kenangan yang berlalu
dan tidak sampai hati menguburnya

terlalu pengecut untuk melepaskan diri
dari resah yang sudah lama ingin pergi

terlalu pengecut untuk lari dan menjauh
dari ego ingin memiliki memori yang sudah sudah

mungkin suatu saat kamu akan sadar dan mengerti
mungkin bukan hari ini
mungkin, nanti.
tidak lama lagi

berjanjilah untuk terbangun dari mimpi ini
dan hidup

lebih layak,
dan lebih baik lagi.

janji?

:)

J e d a

Long Black @SosmedCafe 

6 Oktober 2017

Sebuah hadiah untuk diri sendiri.

Jeda. Mungkin yang dibutuhkan hanya jeda. Melihat dari perspektif yang jauh, menata dan mempertanyakan ulang apa yang kita inginkan. Jauh dan terasing dari wajah yang menghiasi hari hari. Mulai memecahkan masalah yang buntu itu lepas dari cangkang tempat ia bermula. Mulai bermetamorfosa dan mencari indukan baru, untuk mendapatkan pemahaman, untuk kemudian pulang dan memecahkan masalah yang berakar lama sehingga yang terlihat hanya kabur. Mungkin masalahnya bukan hanya waktu,bukan hanya jeda. Mungkin hanya akal sehat yang lupa bekerja karna mata telah terlalu buram oleh air mata.

Mungkin yang hati butuhkan hanya istirahat, bukan berhenti dan lari menjauh.  Mungkin hati butuh melihat lebih jelas, siapa yang telah lama membuat jatuh dan jadi ingin. 

Jangan-jangan, jawaban sudah ditemukan.  Jangan-jangan, jawaban sudah ada di depan mata.  Jangan-jangan, akhir itu sudah dekat.  Kau hanya tidak ingin melihat, kau hanya tidak ingin menjawab.  Jangan-jangan, kau adalah lebih dari yang kau perkirakan.  Jangan-jangan kamu telah sanggup dan mampu jauh melampaui kekerdilan ego dan mindermu. Jangan-jangan kamu telah diperdaya kata kata, tersandung pikiran pikiran negatif yang memburamkan matamu.  Jangan-jangan kamu sudah bisa, hanya terlalu lama, hanya sudah terlalu nyaman.

Jangan jangan kamu sudah terlalu jauh melangkah dan hanya melihat ke belakang.

Jangan jangan kamu telah sampai.  Hanya saja, kepalamu masih kau tolehkan ke belakang.

Terlalu senang mengenang.

Dasar.

Cangkir Sepi

Dalam cangkir cangkir kopi

kau meninggalkan aku sendiri

sunyi

terpenjara sepi 

terlucuti pikiranku sendiri

Kau meninggalkan aku tergeletak mati dalam sepi

sendiri dalam cangkir cangkir yang sudah jadi dingin

tidak diinginkan lagi

tenggelam dalam rasa pahit

lumat melekat

tidak mau hilang

kau tinggalkan aku dalam sunyi

hening dan orang orang yang pergi

dalam kehidupan takdir kali ini

yang bisa kau tinggalkan hanya sunyi

dan tawa tawa pahit

yang harus aku nikmati sendiri

tidak ada yang akan menghiburmu

dan menemanimu mengatasi kepedihan, katanya

dan diantara cangkir cangkir kepahitan

aku memilih untuk bertahan

belajar menikmati sunyi

dan pahit pahit sepi.

01/10/17