Ruang Tunggu.

Sekali menyakiti hati orang lain, adalah dua kali menyakiti diri sendiri, katanya suatu waktu.  Kau tahu, hal yang terlampau sulit, terkadang adalah yang paling harus dilakukan.  Untuk kebaikan diri sendiri, untuk kewarasan diri sendiri.  

Logika adalah hal yang aneh, ketika semuanya menjadi yang paling masuk akal bagi logika, maka seketika itu pula semuanya menjadi tidak masuk akal.  Tidak ada kesempurnaan dalam apapun, begitu pula dalam berpikir. 

Maka ijinkanlah aku untuk sekali ini keras kepala, demi diriku sendiri.  Agar suatu waktu nanti aku mampu melihat jauh ke belakang dan tidak sekalipun menyesali apa yang aku lakukan.  Demi hati, atas nama logika untuk membenarkan segala.

Ketika suatu waktu kukatakan padamu untuk menunggu, padahal itu tidak mungkin. Maka percayalah, cinta tidak butuh waktu untuk mengukur rasa, tidak butuh luka untuk tersakiti, tidak butuh pupuk untuk terus tumbuh, dan tak perlu tua untuk mati.  Hingga akhirnya, tidak butuh hadirmu untuk membuatnya tetap ada.

31 Oktober 2014

 

Reminder

Life is funny, when you want to being busy, you can do it all without a space and then you just can make time to everything.  But when you start to getting lazy and procastination, all your time will get suck and voila, you can doing nothing worth.

For now, i want to being busy, keep running through the day so i dont have to lie down at my bed, wondering and start to feel alone and leave behind.  Today i just want to run so i can forget how good walk is, today i want to run so i can remember how good it is to keep moving.

I will do what i can do whatever its, pushing my limit, doing something i think i cant do, learn many things new until i dont have a long space to know where i am.  I want to do all of it, all chances, all the craziest and weirdest dream.  I want it all.

Please make me stay awake, to make me remember, that i should forget about it all.

11.47 p.m
mercure hotel

Let It Go

In the end you can’t always choose what to keep. You can only choose how you let it go.
 http://purplebuddhaproject.tumblr.com/

Happy 23

No flower this time because i know i just love to being alone, with my self and my mind.  Its not meant that i hate to have some relationship, but some people dissapoint me.  I know i must stop expect much from people, i should.  But sometimes i think i need time to be totally for my self, not have much worry to not make people dissapointed then failed to make my self happy.   

There is so many things i still want to figure out in this world, my passion, my compassion.  I know i deserve to happy.  To be selfish.  To be strong on my own.

Its funny because i almost forgot today is my birthday if one of unknown number message me at 12.15 am when i read it at 5 am then reply it with "Thankyou, but who is it?".  Sometimes we close enough to people but not that close. Sometimes we strange to people but we feel that close.

23 years is just a number, a sign that symbolize moment i spent.  The moment that record in my head like a flash, my experience, what i've been through, good or bad, happy or sad is passed.  Today i have to remember what i've been through and look straight for today. To stop and take a break from all of this.  Remind me that i'm old enough now and must take responsibility for what i did.  And i deserve to do something better than before.  To take a lesson and learn from whatever happened at the past and make something better and good for the future.

Today, i wish my self to be better, and to be happy. 

Happy birthday, dear me. :)

Do Something.

picture from http://purplebuddhaproject.tumblr.com/

Recently i just decide to stop my routine from Muay Thai, Badminton and with some person.  I feel at this point i need a space for completely enjoy my time, do it time by time without less worrying or training to be better and better at something. I need something new, i want something new.  Even at my circumstances the logical choice is limited, i try my best to make my self surrounded by new things, because i dont want to end up regret what i've done.

Maybe after this busy month i will try something new, maybe start a new class to learn something i'm not good at.  I wonder what is my reason to stop, maybe i just get bored with a routine, target, upcoming event.  Getting tried to prepare something so i forget how it feels to enjoy what i'm doing.  Even my biggest motivation at the beginning is to chasing something.

So the decision is for my relationship too, i decide to stop my complicated relationship.  I make our communication stopped by rejecting a friend request, replying message and blocking all of his contact.  I want to make my mind clear that i dont want to add another complicated things in my life.  From now on, i will stop thinking to much and let it go.

I must admit it, i kinda have no idea what my passsion is.  A passion that i will say i sure to do it for the rest of my life.  This kind of commitment is the hard thing, because i still want more, expect more from this life.  I want more, more and more.

Of course the expectation sometimes the biggest enemy of reality, and here we come: dissapointed.  But as a normal human being, we have a need to be better, to move on, to want more than what we have.  And then last question, what actually we want?