Sesuatu yang Berhenti

apa lagi yang bisa lebih sakit.
daripada mendoakan kebahagianmu diam diam
jauh ketika cahaya pun sudah memudar di muka bumi
di tempat yang terasing
yang telah lama kau tinggalkanku sendirian

apa lagi yang bisa lebih sakit.
dalam ketertinggalanku mengejar langkahmu
yang tidak lagi menapak bersamaku
beriring namun sudah tak saling memeluk
subuh saja telah tak mampu memadamkan

apa lagi yang bisa lebih sakit.
ketika melihat kau tertawa bahagia
di depan kelopak mata
ketika jantungmu hanya berjarak sedetak jantungku
dan kehilanganmu hanya sedenyut nadiku
tapi cintamu tak lagi tersisa

apa lagi yang bisa lebih sakit
ketika ku tak mampu bersuara,
berbicara dan mendengarmu
tapi sisa hangat senyummu
masih tersenyum dalam relung yang terdalam
menertawakan kegagalanku

apa lagi yang bisa lebih sakit
ketika kau sudah mampu bahagia
mencari cinta dan terang dunia
dan ku hanya sesunggukan
menunggu yang tidak pernah ada
tidak akan pernah kembali.

apa lagi yang bisa lebih sakit?
daripada mencintaimu terus menerus...
mungkin tanpa berhenti
ketika kau telah lama berhenti ?

The Chaos System

In this unperfect lifes, chaos systems, awkward moments and coincidences we stands.  Sometimes we dont have capacity to do action, even our mind make a better solution, or sometimes we speak unspeakable word about what's right or not right.  Sometimes we just grumble, and feeling sad about how bad the situation could go.  We losing our trust to government, then we losing our trust to people.  After that, we losing hope that make us more ignore about what happening around.  Because we know the situation couldn't be better and not right based by our judgement.  Mostly i feel the similar ways about this world behind my eyes that makes me pessimist about where i will go in this chaos system.  When my brain and my mind speaks critically inside, i know i losing my capability to trust the universe.  I know i losing hope when i can't do anything about the wrong policy, wrong people who lead, wrong situation that just felt not right.  Sometimes i feel i can't do anything and my action can't change anything and make any impact to anyone.  

The chaos system, comes from the behaviour of dynamical systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions.  Small differences in initial conditions yield widely diverging outsomes for such dynamical systems, rendering long term prediction impossible in general, well said from wikipedia.org.  That definitions comes from mathematics' diciplines study but also can we applied to this amateur philosophy thought.  How we can jump from this static situation, and because of small differences, the determinant could trigger the ripple effect to the biggest scale.  What we predict now, this second, this moment, what we thought about something now, could be so different after this second passed, things changed, little cells of our micro body moved.  Then we comes to the conclusion: nothing going constant in this chaos, noone survive forever, then if the conclusion is everything have the same possiblty to change, little things can make things going differently, that means we also have our time to grow, to move, to feel the new things, to see this world with another perspective, to not being constantly boring or constantly wrong or constantly not right, because nothing constant, isn't it?

Then we still have a chance to do our best to wait for opportunity, to wait the 'not constant' chaos to disturbed because of unknow and unidentify things then make another chaos.  Our chaos.

I will do my best while i'm waiting, don't you?

“A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.” 
― Maya Angelou

This Weekend

So finally i got ib or permission to go outside my dorm from this thursday, friday, saturday and sunday.  I don't have absolute planning.  Maybe the essence of having holiday is not have busy planning, just being lazy.  But, i dont like the idea of just stay at home.  I want to go out, doing something else.  Being busy, being productive.  I want to have many many experience, to feel more in this life.

the skyfallaughing :))

... Just the right moment after i watched skyfall. LOL.

SkyFall

 pict here

So I just watched another James Bond movie, Skyfall.  Feature Daniel Craig as James Bond, the 007 secret agent.  The enemy, is Javier Bardem as Raoul Silva or Tiago Rodriguez that have a revenge to M, James Bond’s boss.  Quite interesting and palpitating because the action scene from train and high tower.  That makes the action seems really impossible to do (even I want to survive on that scene, lol).  Even from my common observe and taste, I think the James Bond Girl are not satisfied because as long as I can remember the girls is always hotter and younger than this edition.  

Then after I give this shallow comment after I watched skyfall and grumbling about how I cant find this Adele’s soundtrack song at 4shared, maybe I can continue my study for mid, then I must have preparation to this comprehensive test about 3 weeks again and prepare my manuscript.  This month will be busy too with my campus’ 5th  anniversary event that I will organized with my friends.  I think this would be my last contribution to this campus, after manuscript to do.  So, wish me luck ! :)

good point

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