kepada yang kukecup keningnya

Wahai bintang yang terang

Cahaya yang hangat

Padang yang dingin dan tenang

Pagi berembun dalam nyanyian

Kepada yang kukecup keningnya

Tidak lagi mampu kulihat kesedihan di matamu yang indah

Cukupkan duka, sudahkan lara

Kuhapus matamu agar tak keluar lagi sendu

Kutiupkan mimpi di telingamu

Agar kau besok terbangun dan menjalani hidup lagi

Kau oase yang melesat di gurun gersang

Kau nyala api dalam malam

Yang tak pernah padam

Ceritamu tak pantas mati

Pasangmu tak perlu surut

Melesatlah,

Terbanglah tinggi setinggi tingginya

Jangan lagi menoleh ke belakang

Kepada yang kukecup keningnya

Selamat tinggal

Biarlah aku hancur berkeping

Asal cahaya di matamu yang gelap itu

Tidak mati, tidak pula meredup

Pontianak, 14 September 2012

you can listen i read it here : https://soundcloud.com/karinaoktriastra/kepada-yang-kukecup-keningnya :)

Human Autopilot

source

My dad ever tell me to do this method, to meditate your thoughts, to let you out of yourself.  To make the energy outside you taking control of you.  To feel the wave of unknown energy in the air, to let go.

Recently i just easily getting stress about the pressure of my college and others. I feel depressed, anxious, hopeless and this 'suiciding' thought ever cross my mind.  Maybe i'm only human. Full of flaw and weakness. Closely to give up because i think i cant get any solution and my mind, my feeling just ruined.

Then i think and think again until i bored, until i bored to being this jerk that afraid to life. Do i afraid to life?

Sometimes i think life is just a waste, love is a waste, and fate is kinda dark joke thats not funny at all.

I try and try to find another way, to let this soul in peace. Then i just remember what my dad ever told me.

To be autopilot on yourself.  He said that each of us have this unknown soul that always keep us save, maybe close to guardian's term.  

When you feel really tired and you think you cant take that anymore, just let your 'guardian' taking control of you.  Close your eyes, breath slowly, focus to 'dzikir' then let your body moves wherever you feel, you can control and you know where you'r gonna move, but you let your guardian taking control of you.  I really believe this method, i believe there is so many things that i still dont know in this world and one of them is there is some potential energy of us we still not have access to use. This unseen energy, unseen power that hiding on us.  Because ourself is magic. Our body is move with magical power that we still can't fully understand.

I believe this is another alternative to meditate, to let your brain at this 'relax' zone then makes your brain in its optimal work. I dont know for you, but for me, its really help me being more positive and relax.

Who am i meant to be? (a quiz from oprah.com)

Emptiness

As the shadow sneak out from the light day.  The windsmill rotate while winds whistle about something secret and the dark side of earth comouflage all the fake lies.  Where i am? Stand on earth i dont recognize anymore.  Here all the time then be a stranger to all the people i know, be a stranger to my self.

Just losing all the logic, all the rational eyeglass i ever use to see the world. A broken glass, a vertigo feels to lose all. My balance, my feeling, my rationality.  Then emptiness just waiting to caught me in the middle of the night, when i'm alone, have no one to stand.  Have no one who really understand.

The blank gap between conscious and unconscious. Then all i do just waiting there, waiting day by day come without bring anything i expect, then be saturated.  Do ardor without knowing anything else. Losing control.  Losing my faith.

Then if i only i have one wish. I wish i just can going through this. Alive and Better.