Its always this melancholys vibe when it comes to weekend. Especially when i dont have any drunk plans or more interesting person to meet.
Weekend will be always be dilematics for me, for doing things that makes me happy, to be left alone with my thoughts and ask my self, what do you really want? do you enjoy your typical, daily, and this ordinary life? or do you start wanting something more for yourself that makes you feel more alive and stop feeling numb?
do you even love yourself enough to be happy and stop feeling stuck and depressed in your sad fate and unlucky situation. can you finally come up with the idea that you are worth enough and deserve more than who you are now? do you really want an upgrade or you just dealing with some shit over and over again because you just feel afraid and scare to be the one that left alone?
The overthinking weekend, the hopeless one. Feeling lonely and wondering, do i have more future, can i move from my situation and get out from the 'stuck' spot i deal with? can i get my own happiness to be that independent, bold, fun, fearless woman i always have in my thoughts or have that dream house, dream car, and things i always wondering i can have?
The gap from the dream and the reality, in the weekend. To be the one who have more power to act in the devastating situation, unlucky fate or messed place to come out, to be more than what you are before, to grow more enough to make something good enough for yourself before you die and leave this world, but also satisfied enough to do the crazy and enjoying the fucking proccess in the making.
for that i will say, happy weekend. and hope i can find the 'happy' part.
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