Monday, May 15, 2017

Tentang Jatuh Cinta

Sun and kinda missing you.

Harapan adalah benang tipis
Antara inginku dan hal-hal yang nyata

Janji adalah uang muka
Untuk darah dan air mata yang akan tumpah

Putusan hari ini adalah titah
Tentang bagimana caramu esok berbahagia

Waktu yang berdetak akan cepat mengutuk
Siapa saja yang terlambat untuk tinggal selamanya

Jodoh dan tenggat waktu mata tetangga
Adalah urai kesempatan yang tak kunjung tiba

Hei wanita.

Masih beranikah kau esok berbahagia tanpa cinta?


Traveling and Teaching 7 #1000GuruKalbar

Traveling and Teaching 7 
Spesial Hardiknas 
1000 Guru Kalbar
Date : 5, 6, 7 May 2017
Location : SDN. 19 Rambai, Dusun Nibung, 
Desa Sahan, Kecamatan Seluas, Kabupaten Bengkayang

Video by @ayurmanda

"Rebahkanlah tubuh

Di tempat tinggi tak berpenghuni

Lupakan sejenak masalah duniamu
Lembut sang awan 'kan menyambutmu"

Bermimpi ku berada
Hanya ada aku dan teman-temanku
Di tempat indah yang tak terjamah
Bahagia, bahagiaku cukup sederhana

Mimpi-mimpi tak seperti mimpi
Tak sanggup membayarnya

Tak terhingga, sekalipun harta dan tahta
Bercanda dan tertawa
Tak peduli juga apa yang ada di bawah sana
Berbagi apa saja yang ada

Tak terfikir dunia
Bahagia, bahagiaku cukup sederhana
Tak terhingga sekalipun harta dan tahta
Tak terhingga sekalipun harta dan tahta

 Bahagia, bahagiaku cukup sederhana
Pejamkan mata jiwa
Tak sanggup membayarnya
Dengarkanlah puisi alamku
Alam indah penghantar tidurku
Memuji karyamu lewat kalimatku
Dengarkanlah puisi alamku

Puisi Alam - Fourtwnty
Good friend, best friend, have someone who taking care of me, traveling at the wild forest. My day is just perfect. I couldn't asking more.
There is so many things in life that i cant have. Maybe more love, more money, more existence in such a short life. People just cant stop. Rather than dwelling in what i cant do. Its time just to do all the things that i have opportunity to do. Sharing to heal some wounds, sharing to feel all the pain.
Its not the perfect world, but we should try all the best thing we can.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

First Time On The First Page

Featured on local news : Unlocked :))

Recently i just getting involved at 1000 Guru Kalbar's community, started from TNT 5 (Travelling and Teaching) and now involved at TNT 7. While my friend at Suara Pemred @balasajr know my activity (maybe from instagram) start message me to know more about 1000 Guru Kalbar.  Ended with discussing about the education's problem.  And finally get featured on the first page :)

Sometimes i cant understand how universe work, because long time ago, maybe two or three years before.  I ever write a 'crazy-list' to involved at an organization and having a position in there.  Just something in my mind.  At that point i have no idea how i can get into an organization at this age and at this 'introvert' character to join stranger and doing a social works.  Well, at least it makes me more excited to doing something my life and have something to do between my routine job.  So blessed! :)

Saturday, April 15, 2017

: Ghost In The Shell

Welcome to the future, where technology was all over the world and have a thin line with morality and humanity. When Government have a vision to do high level effective and efficient cybernatics as a state defense. They start to look an opportunity to develop a machine nearly a weapon, to make a robot that not only can take an order, but also have a logical reason to act and lead a team then can have unlimited power.
The problem started when the government work together with The Hawk, tech company who have an ambition to combine robot and human’s brain and programmed it to do the order with brainwashing and deleted the past memories.
Mayor, who claimed by Hawk’s company as the first asset that succeed to combine the robot’s power with human’s brain. Where’s Scarjo, as Mayor be a great agent to help government fight over the high-level case.
Not so long, Scarjo working on a peculiar case, that make she experience glitch in her reality. Then the memories captured to the strange image she doesnt understand that actually related to her case.
Watching this movie, i feel a little bit flat and a slow plot and narration, and Mayor, that claimed have a flat face like the original movie, make wathing this movie in a daylight makes me a little bit sleepy.
For the rest of it, its very beautiful visual effect with the tones like Doctor Stranger, with so many abstract and futuristic theme, CGI that combined with Shanghai City + The future techonology’s display + Hologram in the future makes the city more density with beauty.
“Its not the reality or the memory defines you, its what you do define you”Mayor.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Traveling and Teaching 6

SDN. 07 Subah

1000 Guru Kalbar with all the third and fourth grade children

Fourth Grade Children

Ipin, Second Grade

The children

Vindi, First Grade

Budi, Third Grade

Arya, First Grade

Traveling and Teaching 6 1000 Guru Kalbar
SDN. 07 Subah
Dusun Subah, Desa Subah, Kecamatan Tayan Hilir, Kabupaten Sanggau
3, 4 & 5 February 2017

Last week was another exciting journey for me.  After about 2 hours from the city, me and 1000 guru kalbar arrived at Dusun Subah, where we teaching about 21 children.  They only have 3 teacher, but only one teacher that active teaching all the classes.  

When i see their eyes, its so full of hope, smart and excited to learn.  Its ironic for me, because when i just at their ages, i just think how to skipped school and having fun.  But they just dont have a class to skipped when they have so much dreams to be something.  Some of them hope to be a MMA's fighter, teacher, army, police.  

Even i think this school is better from the last school we visited because its not really far from the city (the minus is just the damaged road) compare to the last school that we need 7 hours to reached.  But, what's good in compare two bad things?

They open my eyes that there is more to do in this country, there is more to do.  All the facilities i have, all the opportunity that given to me.  All of them sometimes become so easy that my eyes cant see how lucky i am.  How fast im getting bored and want another thing.  

Sometimes we need to reminded.  How lucky we are, and there is so many things to do in this world.  So many things you can do, start from little things you ignored, little things you take for granted.  I hope their hope will not letting down, i hope even they need to do extra effort to reach their dream they always prepared when the opportunity kicks.

Friday, February 3, 2017


Cinta itu benang yang tipis, S.  
Tidak perlu kau tarik untuk memutuskannya, 
cukup dengan melepaskannya dari kedua jemarimu.


Monday, January 2, 2017

New Year, New Things To Do.

Goodbye 2016.

Ready for exciting one?

Welcome 2017

I love new year, its like saying goodbye to some part of your life and move on to another level.  The moment to start a new things, brave ourself to do something different, the essence of changing, moving to the better things.

Listing the project i wanna do, try something new, being better at what i love at, doing more at my job and expand my study to upgrading all things that needs to level up.  Lets go to the next level!

Thursday, December 8, 2016


Akan selalu kutemukan diriku
bersedih dan jatuh cinta kepada laut
yang memisahkan diri dari puisi dan
orang-orang kota yang gemar
berlibur. Aku mengajari diriku
berenang dan menjadi kuat.

Memastikan Kematian
-Aan Mansyur 'Melihat Api Bekerja'

Monday, November 21, 2016

Kata-Kata Yang Tidak Pernah Cukup

Begitu pula pertengkaran, perdebatan tentang bagaimana kita berbeda satu sama lain. Tentang bagaimana kata-kata ternyata mampu menggores pelan pelan. Bahwa bom waktu terkadang hanya ingin meledak dalam isak. Kemudian ditenangkan dan diyakinkan pada pelukan pelukan.

Jatuh cinta adalah hal yang sangat mudah. Tapi mengalahkan ketidakbahagiaan, adalah hal yang lain, terkadang.

Jemari kita tergenggam pada janji janji yang mungkin sulit kepada masa depan, namun kuharap ingin dan kayuhan itu akan cukup kuat, untuk sampai dan berjalan lebih jauh dari yang kita harapkan.

Tidak kupungkiri menginginkan seseorang, adalah kesempurnaan pada ketidakmungkinan. Seperti percaya pada hal yang mustahil dan teori teori yang tidak akan sama ketika dipraktekkan, begitu pula keinginan yang tidak akan pernah sama pada kenyataan-kenyataan. 

Idealitas pada cinta adalah hal yang mustahil , seperti pula pada mitos hubungan yang stabil dan selalu bahagia. Tetapi pada harapan-harapan yang tidak pernah sampai, aku mendekatkan diriku kepada kemungkinan, untuk bermimpi mendekati angan-angan. Selamanya dipelukmu. 


Thursday, November 17, 2016

Midnight Sneakpeek

23.05 a.m

Still cant sleep, thinking so much thing while my wifi just broke down and using my smartphone hotspot.  The horror story in a digital age: running out connection. 

Now Capturing : My space, my cat.
Working Or Not?

Hello, I'm Mocca The Queen.

Creative Spot

Now Reading : The Architecture of Love - Ika Natassa

Now Watching : Tonight Show

picture from here


Wednesday, November 16, 2016

November Movie : Drama and Peculiar Love

Do you ever feel like, watching a movie and make your life feels different? Like there is something in a movie, a quiet moment that makes you reflecting yourself with the main character, something strange that you can see the part of yourself somehow captured in the movie.  There is some movie that makes me that way, some movie that makes me see my world kinda different with the other perspective.  Mostly movies like this is not from a blockbuster movie, but from festival's movie that winning some award, movie that adopt the idea : the main character is just an ordinary, common people that somehow jumped in a different situation, feels something different, experience something peculiar.

Recently just watch that kind of movie

- What They Don't Talk About When They Talk About Love

Starring : Karina Salim, Nicholas Saputra, Ayushita, etc.
A beautiful story about people who have special needs, deaf and mute.  Then how they fall in love despite their inability.  Then they add some special universe at the movie that show what if, they have a different path, what if they can switch their inability and being normal, could all love going to right place, with the same person?

I fall in love with the idea of different universe, about how Nicsap look good (fangirl) and how he look very cute using sign language and doctor's costume.  Even this movie feels flat and boring sometimes, but i used to skip some part i cant stand to watch.  Overall, still worth a shot.

Monday, November 7, 2016

If You Forget Me

I want you to know
one thing. 

You know how this is: 
if I look 
at the crystal moon, at the red branch 
of the slow autumn at my window, 
if I touch 
near the fire 
the impalpable ash 
or the wrinkled body of the log, 
everything carries me to you, 
as if everything that exists, 
aromas, light, metals, 
were little boats 
that sail 
toward those isles of yours that wait for me. 

Pablo Neruda

*Image Source Here

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Doctor Strange

Benedict Cumberbatch is the condition where i will go watch any movie he played in.  One of it is Doctor Strange, from Marvel.  Feel so pleased to watch the visual of the new universe Marvell in, with the Marvel's signature joke like they did in Iron Man and Deadpool.  Its super excited, fun to watch, more of it, the ambience makes me feel the fantasy, psychedelic, like deep-side of Coldplay- Up&Up video music turn into some cool action movie with sarcastic and bad-ass but also noble, Doctor Stephen Strange.

In addition, i love the detail about the presisition of explanation how Doctor Strange get his power: by reading so much book and put aside his ego.  Like, the plot is so detail while showed to people how he spend most of the time training himself from having no skill then get some dicipline to reading book.  The scene will makes people wanna read much book (especially in sanskrit). :))  Cant wait to hear that Doctor Strange will join the Avenger and make he meets Iron Man and Deadpool (I wish Marvel not changing their actor) be like, so much expectation! :)

image source : here

***** 5/5
Very Recommended.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Turning 25

Article from huffingtonpost about turning 25. 
Twenty-five is a milestone birthday. You have reached a point where you’re an adult, a real adult, who pays taxes, worries about health insurance and can rent a car on a whim. Of course you don’t have everything figured out — and that’s a good thing — but getting through your teens and early twenties means you’ve picked up some wisdom along the way.

So, we asked our Facebook community: “What do you know now that you’re 25 or over that you might not have known when you were younger?”

Behold, 25 things you (hopefully) know once you’ve turned a quarter of a century:

1. “‘No’ is a complete sentence that does not need an explanation.” — Facebook user Anissa K. Fogel

2. “It’s OK to burn bridges.” — Facebook user Jhin Herbs

3. “It’s completely alright if you don’t have every little bit figured out at all times. Often the best things can come from times of chaos.” — Facebook user Michelle Via

4. “When your parents tell you that high school friends won’t matter later, listen to them.” — Facebook user Tiana Harris

5. “If you don’t want to drive three hours to attend a distant relative’s baby shower, that’s OK. Send a card, and don’t feel guilty.” — Facebook user Maggie Muse

6. “Ladies — invest in the BEST BRASSIERES you can afford!” — Facebook user Gloria Aldecova

7. “Don’t believe in other people’s versions of what’s right and wrong.” — Facebook user Edu Gonzalez

8. “Money doesn’t buy anything of real value.” — Facebook user Penny Evans

9. “It’s OK to let toxic people go. That includes family members. Life is too short to be around negative people who don’t have your best interest at heart.” — Facebook user Destinee Wright

10. “When you’re 20, love conquers all, when you’re 30, a good credit score does.” — Facebook user Monica Sanchez Ontiveros

11. “Don’t let people pressure you into deciding what you want to do with your life.” — Facebook user Rebecca Green

12. “Appreciate and love yourself every day — you’re beautiful at every age.”— Facebook user Dianne Wallis

13. “Don’t be afraid to act like a boss.” — Facebook user Krystyna Solodenko

14. “Sometimes you have to forgive people. We all make bad decisions.” — Facebook user Felicia Camacho

15. “Friendship is family.” — Facebook user Amanda Brandom

16. “Laugh a lot and travel often.” — Facebook user Rachel Holston

17. “You don’t have to get married or have kids.” — Facebook user Lisa Girard

18. “Go after the people you’re interested in. Strike up conversations. Ask someone out. Life is too short to fear rejection.” — Facebook user Kristian Wilson

19. “Don’t spend all your time working.” — Facebook user Brook Sarason

20. “Stress less.” — Facebook user Tresa Lynn Lamberts

21. “Health is important. [You] should always take care of yourself, not [just] when the damage is done.” — Facebook user Denise Acosta

22. “Don’t rack up loads of debt buying cheap shit clothes that you will never wear.” — Facebook user Debbie Woodhead

23. “Stand up for [yourself] more often.” — Facebook user Violeta Vanessa Gill

24. “Life is really too short, don’t give a f**k about anything, just do your thing and keep walking.” — Facebook user Marina Glower

25. “[You] still don’t have all the answers.” — Facebook user Seracut Hair

Source :

Monday, October 17, 2016


Sometimes i watch movie to killing time, searching some inspiration when i get stucked or bored. Not really have taste or hard analysis about what i will watch; just contain some keywords that makes me interested : action, (look like) an epic drama, agent fbi/cia, doing some martial arts, a cocky main actor/actress, involved some science and smart comedy. Too much? Lol. Or just some random movie at the weekend. So, here is the movie i choose to watch this weekend;

1. The Accountant

Watching this on Sunday, really attempted to the trailer cause its describe about a boy who have an autism and turn into a perfectionist killer that have a daily job as an accountant. As a genious kid who have a high IQ before; his father, that have military background, train him into someone that can focus to his ability beside of his disorder. Then accidentally getting involved at a mafia’s bussiness that corrupting their client.

The plot is from the past and back to present, tells about the Wolf and his brother’s childhood and the reason why Ben Affleck, or Wolf change into some smart and powerful killer. At the present the story show how Wolf, changed from an introvert person change when he met a girl (Anna Kendrick) and make him start to think about the other things beside his isolated life. Even the romance things not the main side of the movie, i think its enough to add some fresh line to the movie.

2. Snowden 

Snowden is one of the movie that not contain 'an action things' but can bring the intense so i’m not really feel bored while watching it. Even the details are quite complicated, about the digital’s connection, how American’s government have an access to our private things, even our unactive camera that around us, it gives a horror idea and shows a scary description about how far government can control the civilians, or another country to getting what they wants.  Add some interesting point to this movie because its based from real event, and you can google all the information.

The plot is from the future: after Snowden leaked to public about what the truth is, and try to get help from the media, and from the past; when Snowden start to entrance the military academy, have an accident, have a big interest to doing something for his country until getting involved to i.t team to help and make a good impact to his country. At the end, i think the movie is success give the patriotic view and show about how danger if government can’t give a transparancy system that its possible to make some people have more power, then make it out of control or trespassing the value and the law.

Monday, October 3, 2016

Sedikit tentangmu


aku pernah berlari
terlalu jauh hingga lelah
terlalu terjal hingga menyerah

aku pernah hilang
terlalu tersesat hingga tak ingin pulang
terlalu melesat hingga tak ingin lagi melihat

kemudian engkau datang
seperti nyala lilin dalam malam yang gelap
seperti dingin yang menusuk pada siang yang terik

aku alpa, aku lupa

bagaimana jika kita tidak pernah ada?
bagaimana jika kau hanya khayalanku saja?



suatu ketika aku pernah bertanya
mengapa tergenang,
di matanya
Kepedihan yang terlalu

pada waktu waktu yang berlalu
ingatan-ingatan yang sudah lalu

kepalanya adalah komedi
bagi pembaca sajak dengan ironi

cinta di dadanya telah lama mati
pada pilu yang sudah lama mengantri
dan hadirmu,
adalah hujan yang membasahi

tapi tidak pernah ia merasa begitu ngeri

untuk kehilangan satu kali lagi.


Pada malam-malam kelam yang sunyi aku pernah bersumpah. 
Tidak lagi merasa dan memiliki kepala untuk menyimpan kenangan. 
Agar aku dapat jatuh cinta dan secepatnya membakar halaman-halamannya.

Di hadapan malam aku pernah mengadu, 
cinta yang kupunya habiskan saja. 
Biar aku sendiri yang menanggung dan merasa sakitnya. 
Biar aku sendiri yang terbakar karena sudah nyaman , 
dan aku hanya ingin mati terbakar nyala.

pada hening-dan sendiri aku pernah bermimpi,
 cinta yang indah itu hanya bualan semata, 
jebakan yang akan menangkapku habis sebelum aku sempat berbahagia.

rasa kehilangan itu pernah begitu dalam, 
hancur menusuk jantungku. mematikan rasa, 
kemudian menyiksa tahun demi tahun terperangkap 
dalam kenangan yang tidak lagi ada.

rasa kehilangan itu pernah begitu mengerikan 
hingga keping-keping hati pernah memilih untuk lebur jadi abu 
ketimbang bersisa namun tiada.

maafkan aku untuk kini, maafkan aku untuk jatuh cinta sekali lagi.
sabarlah menunggu, kenangan itu nanti akan mati,



Mencintaimu sederhana saja
Sesederhana deburan ombak
yang jatuh menghempas pada lautan
dan pasrah jadi deru
agar kau senang saja

Mencintaimu sederhana saja
sesederhana kayu api
yang terbakar dan ingin menjadi abu
hanya untuk menghangatkan dirimu

Mencintaimu sederhana saja
sesederhana rintik yang jatuh
dalam ribuan dekap
kemudian lenyap
sebagai penghiburanmu saja

Mencintaimu sederhana saja
sesederhana terik matahari
yang membuatmu jengah
tapi tetap berharap, ingin kau rindukan juga

Mencintaimu sederhana saja
secepat aku membuka mata
kemudian hilang.

tenggelam dalam matamu...

tidak lagi ingin pergi


Aku tidak ingin

aku tidak ingin menulis puisi
karna kata-kata akan habis
dan kenangan akan tertinggal
kemudian hanya akan ada sesal

aku tidak ingin menulis puisi
karna kata-kata tidak mampu lagi kutangkap
hatiku tidak lagi kuat

aku tidak ingin menulis puisi
karena pada kata-kata yang menguap
rasa akan terkikis habis begitu saja

aku tidak ingin menulis puisi
tapi harus kutuliskan juga

agar suatu hari kau baca
dan akhirnya kau tahu bahwa;

aku menginginkan dirimu saja.


Friday, September 16, 2016

Traveling and Teaching

1000 Guru Kalbar
Traveling and Teaching 5
Location : SDN. 13 Teluk Pakedai, Desa Sungai Nibung, 
Kecamatan Teluk Pakedai, Kabupaten Kubu Raya

“I woke up as the sun was reddening; and that was the one distinct time in my life, the strangest moment of all, when I didn't know who I was - I was far away from home, haunted and tired with travel, in a cheap hotel room I'd never seen, hearing the hiss of steam outside, and the creak of the old wood of the hotel, and footsteps upstairs, and all the sad sounds, and I looked at the cracked high ceiling and really didn't know who I was for about fifteen strange seconds. I wasn't scared; I was just somebody else, some stranger, and my whole life was a haunted life, the life of a ghost.” 
― Jack KerouacOn the Road

For me, traveling is something personal, something i will do with my trusted friend, with someone i know.  Why? Because i love the strange feelings i had when i'm on travel.  When i saw strange person in the eye and found some little piece of myself in their eyes.  Like somehow i know in a distance, far far away i know i will keep finding something familiar in the most strange things. 

At that moment i love how people have something in common : sharing.  To share love, to someone that we think have less than us, to share happines with things, to someone that we think dont have things like us, or life like us.  But going in this journey makes me realize something, its not me that giving something, its them.  Its them that keep living, not giving up in the darkness of the light, to keep having hope, keep going out even at the situation that we cant possibly think we can make it through. 

Its us, having a lesson.  To feeling gratitude and be the best version of ourself, to keep on trying even the hard path are laughing off our face, to keep praying and trusting God about the way we will live on.  To keep going.  So, thank you.

#TNT5 #1000gurukalbar


Monday, August 8, 2016

Sunday Journal

T h i n k i n g

Of course there is something missing in my life.  Who didnt? 

When most my friends wanting to getting married, have a beautiful children, build a house.  Then here i am, wanting something else.  I know if i push my self to be in that position, i will get it too.  But, i dont think i really want that now.  I even dont really know what i want, but i know, i will figure it out.  Looking at my friends with all their problem, there will always a problem with any stages of your life, then, why in rush to get out of this one common question at my ages, when will you get married? Soon, when the time is right, like, you will just know when things are right.  But if you ask if im happy? yes, i always try to be happy at any moment and dont judge people for craving different happiness than you.  I hope i will always be in a good circumstances that not let me in a hurry to do anything 'they' want. Not me.

W a t c h i n g

I watching a lot of movie these days and make a list of it :

1. Suicide Squad
2. Burnt
3. How To Be a Single
4. Whiplash
5. Singstreet
6. A Hologram For The King
7.  Finding Dory
8.  Zootopia
9.  Term Life
10.  Wild
11. Our Brand Is Crisis
12. Joy
13.  Victor Frankenstein
14. Exposed
15.  Standoff

And try some of Bollywood Movie:

1.  Sanam Teri Kasam
2.  Baajrangi Bhaijan

Following some of korean drama series :

1.  Doctors
2.  Uncontrollably Fond
3.  W
4.  Lets Fight Ghost
5.  Beautiful Mind  

R e a d i n g

1.  Harry Potter : And The Cursed Child ; J.K Rowling.
2.  What Got You Here Won't Get You There : Marshall Golsmith & Mark Reiter.

C a p t u r i n g

Random shots, maybe my camera goals not gonna happen shortly and my old camera is still broken. So i just try to capture it with my camera phone, and try to enjoy it.

W o r k i n g

Office makes me a little bit busy than before.  All the intense that makes me must collecting data then make the collective report makes me a little bit busy.  Then improving my english with taking a class 2 days a week.  

E x e r c i s i n g

Quiting gym after being a member for one month, now start to arrange some schedule to playing badminton again.

L i s t e n i n g

Random Playlist this week :

1. Ruang Sendiri - Tulus 
2. Sendu Melagu - Barasuara
3.  Menuju Senja - Payung Teduh
4. I Hate U, I Love U - Gnash & Olivia O'Brien
5. Why - Taeyeon
6.  Sledgehammer - Rihanna
7.  Heathens - Twenty One Pilots
8.  Skrillex - Weekends!
9.  Skrillex ft. Fatman Scoop - Squad Out!
10.  How To Love - Cash Cash ft Sofia Reyes.

Monday, June 27, 2016

sedih diartianmu

kesedihan adalah celah yang mengintip
ketika hari sudah ditinggal oleh cahaya
dan hujan sudah beranjak pergi
lalu sepi

kesedihan adalah jendela yang ingin terbuka
meskipun malam dingin
dan tiada pelukan
karena telah ditinggalkan

kesedihan adalah mata hati yang menuju
tanpa mendengar riuh
tanpa berotak iri
hanya mendengar sunyi

kesedihan adalah mata yang memahami
rasa yang ingin terpenuhi,
mencintai tanpa tanya lagi
kesedihan adalah nyala api yang menari

karena berhasil mencintai lalu bisa pergi


Minggu, 27 Juni 2010

Orang-orang yang pernah patah hati adalah orang yang keras kepala, kata Satria suatu waktu.  Mereka adalah orang yang mampu melakukan apa saja, untuk tidak lagi kehilangan, bahkan dengan cara-cara yang paling tidak masuk akal. Mustahil, bantahku.  Hidup tidak melulu soal cinta, Satria.  Banyak pertimbangan, uang, pekerjaan, agama, banyak hal.  Sudah pernah kah kau lihat seseorang yang berkata 'aku tidak bisa hidup tanpamu... kemudian setelah mereka berpisah, tidak begitu lama dengan mudahnya mereka bisa mencintai yang lain.  

Cinta itu bukan tahanan, Satria, tidak terikat ruang dan waktu.  Kamu tidak bisa bilang kamu akan mencintai seseorang selamanya.  Kamu hanya mencintai seseorang itu saat ini, kemudian menghitung masa depan dan begitu yakinnya percaya kepada dirimu sendiri bahwa kau akan mencintainya nanti.  Kemudian, beberapa tahun lagi, ketika bosan sudah menyerang dan datang seseorang yang lebih hebat, yang lebih segalanya mendekatimu dan membuatmu jatuh cinta lagi kamu akan lupa, kamu akan lupa kalau kamu pernah meyakinkannya dahulu sungguh-sungguh bahwa kamu mencintainya.  Selalu begitu, Satria.  Selalu akan begitu.

Kamu terlalu yakin, Diara. Bukankah kau sendiri yang bilang kau tidak bisa menghitung masa depan? bantah Satria sambil tertawa.  Berarti apa yang kamu lakukan, tidak percaya bahwa satu orang dapat mencintai satu orang lainnya selamanya itu juga hasil perhitungan?

Iya sih, kau begitu pandai, sudahlah, aku mengajakmu kesini untuk bersantai dan meminum kopi ini.  Bukan untuk membantah ideku, Satria.  Dia tertawa.

Hahaha dasar keras kepala. Baiklah, aku tidak akan membantahmu lagi, Hanya akan mengajukan pertanyaan, lantas, bagaimana denganku? apakah kamu akan mencintaiku selamanya, Diara? jika kau menghitung masa depan, apakah kau akan tetap mencintaiku, selamanya?

Giliranku yang tertawa, tidak mungkin, jawabku, jika kau meninggalkanku, aku kira aku akan marah besar, patah hati, lalu tidak ada lagi cinta yang tersisa.  Kemudian aku akan berusaha melupakanmu dengan mencari orang lain, kemudian aku akan jatuh cinta dengan orang lain itu.  Dan kami akan hidup bahagia selamanya.  Tapi jika sebelum kami bahagia selamanya, dia menemukan orang lain, tidak apa, aku akan menemukan yang lain lagi!

Cinta itu pamrih, Satria.  Cinta tidak akan ada apabila orang yang ia cinta tidak mencintainya, mungkin satu dua hari ia masih bisa cinta, tapi lama-lama cinta itu akan habis, berhenti.  Karena cinta itu pamrih, cinta itu butuh rasa saling.  Tidak bisa berdiri sendirian!.

Satria tertawa dan mengacak-acak rambutku.

Lalu kamu, Satria? sampai kapan kamu berencana mencintaiku? jika saat ini kamu kusuruh menghitung masa depan? 

Satria tersenyum, raut wajahnya berubah serius dan matanya menatap mataku tajam,
"Selamanya, Diara. Aku akan mencintaimu selamanya"

Minggu, 27 Juni 2016


Aku tersenyum kecut, waktu sudah berlalu begitu lama.  Di hidupku juga sudah ada orang lain, tapi kenapa percakapan itu masih begitu jelas teringat, seperti baru saja terjadi kemarin.  Beberapa hari ini mimpi itu datang lagi.  Mimpi aku bertemu dengan Satria.  Mimpi kami bercakap-cakap.  Seperti waktu yang lalu.  Aku sendiri yang pernah bilang, kalau aku akan berhenti mencintainya begitu menemukan orang lain.  Aku sendiri yang tidak pernah percaya bahwa cinta itu akan begitu saja mati bila orang yang ia cinta tidak mencintainya.  Tapi aku salah, Satria.  Dan butuh bertahun-tahun untuk menyadari itu.  Rasa itu masih ada, Satria.  Abadi dalam ingatan, hidup oleh mimpi hanya kalah pada waktu.  Waktu yang sudah lama berlalu dan tidak akan terulang kembali.  Tidak akan pernah sama lagi...


Mungkin beberapa tahun yang lalu aku tidak akan menjawab.

Tapi sekarang?

Ia terasa begitu dekat pada kemungkinan-kemungkinan.


#sundayfunfiction #timecapsuleseries #satriadiara

Friday, June 17, 2016

The People

So my office just organize a social event that give a coupon to poor people by the RT/Neighboorhood Association that will allow you to buy rice, egg, milk, palm oil for 60k while its real price is around 100k.  While organize this the committee also prepared by police to secure the event.  Right on point there is so many people come and claim as 'poor' people and asking for more coupons, with all of their explanation.  Mostly because they watch a person that bring about 5 coupons alone and think she is collution to robbed their rights to buy cheaper things.  Today i learn so much more about people, that they can do anything, and bring out the ugly thing, jealousy, greedy, complaining something that maybe they dont need to, mistrust, act poor but show up as rich, lying and have no asshame to take other people's right.  This event kinda bring out the worst on people.  The angry mass/mob that acting out because they know they have many people behind them, and the logical fallacy.  I know that sometimes, the worst going out in me too. Sometimes i know when it goes out, sometimes i dont.  Whatever it is, i hope all of us could have strength and encourage to admit our fallacy, our fault and have a bigger heart to correct ourself, and have more concern to put ourself better than before.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

2nd week of June

currentlythink : This ramadhan is kinda memorable for me, just hang out and chill, nothing to targeted yet.  Watching movie, do some work, more serial to watch, still dont have any book to finish, thinking about doing something that have matters, but still cant get out of comfort zone, set up some goals and failed.  Not finished yet, not grinding yet, wake up and routine, need more hobby and things to do.  Need more social interaction with my lack of interest being misunderstood, but i know i can survive here and get something i need.

currentlywatch :

XXI's Movie
1. Now You See Me 2
2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles : Out Of Shadow
3. The Conjuring 2 
Now you see me 2 is really entertaining, amusing and just inspire your brain to functionally works lol. While TMNT just good and cool, The Conjuring is one of my hate-love relationship with thrilling horror that makes me want to close my eyes and ears all the time. Just. Dont. Like. Good. Horror.

1. Legends Of Tomorrow Season 1
2. The Catch Season 1
3. Supernatural Season 11
Legends of Tomorrow makes me like it after few episodes and now kinda makes me attempt to watch another serial, while supernatural is just good and fun to watch but just it, while The Catch is surprisingly good after bad 1st episode and makes me crazy about it after the 9th episodes, hopes Shonda give me something close like my fav serial all the time, lie to me, the mentalist, scandal (the beginning season), revenge, sherlock holmes, bones, game of thrones, collar crime, perception, that makes me waiting the next season (now i cant wait to watch the 2nd season of the catch too) and makes me always want to watch it till the episode's end without makes me being boring in the middle of it.

currentlyhangout : Shabu Tan(Chinese Restaurant)- to breakfasting, kinda cost but have a good design and comfortable sofa(not the one at the picture), not really like the shabu-shabu like how i loved at Sari Bento, but have so many option at the menu.  And can find my fav drink here, sourplum iced.

*Shabu with Mix Soup -Medium Pack for two people

Keeping Me Alive - Bob Moses (One of The Catch- Soundtrack at 6th Episode).

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Hidup Setelahmu dan Waktu Yang Telah Lama Berlalu


Beberapa hari terakhir ini, kau datang di mimpiku, Satria.  Tidak meninggalkan apa-apa selain kesedihan, dan rasa kehilangan.

Hidupku kini telah berubah, seperti menjalani stase stase kehidupan yang melesat, dan yang menarikku ke bumi adalah ketika ku tertegun mengingat ingatan-ingatan tentangmu.

Seperti hari ini, Satria.  Kubuka kembali jejak-jejak kakimu, kembali kuingat runtut bagaimana kita pertama kali bertemu, berjalan lagi pada tapak-tapak kesedihan itu dan berbahagia mengingat bagaimana caranya aku jatuh cinta.  Tahun-tahun yang berlalu, masih saja melekat di ingatanku, masih saja datang di mimpi-mimpiku.

Aku sudah menemukan seseorang Satria, bukannya membuatku melupakanmu, tetapi malah membuatku merasa aku telah melewatkan sesuatu yang tidak akan bisa aku ulang kembali.

Dia bukan kamu, Satria. Bukan.  

Mengingatmu adalah tempat yang paling nyaman, bagiku lari dari realita.  Akan dunia sekarang yang berbeda.  Hidup yang telah jauh berbeda.  Tanpamu pula.

Ijinkan aku letih dan bersandar mengingatmu sejenak, untuk membuka album-album lama, sekedar stalking, mencari dirimu di dunia maya dan mengintip bagaimana kehidupanmu pula, setelah aku.

Telah menjadi berbahagia, lebih banyak dari sebelumnya.

Terimakasih, Satria.  Untuk bisa menjadi seseorang yang bisa aku cintai sebanyak ini, untuk menjadi tempatku beristirahat, membuatku mencintai dia yang baru lebih lagi, menghargai dia yang ada sekarang lebih banyak lagi.  Menghargai bahwa kehidupan yang telah berlalu.  Tidak akan terulang lagi.  

Maka hari ini, hari nanti. adalah hari yang paling berharga sedunia.  meskipun tanpamu lagi.

-Rendy Pandugo ; Sebuah Kisah Klasik

*fictionaltime, fictionalcharacter, fictionalname, true feelings.