Today is 30th April 2010. Tomorrow is sunday and i will make it as my own new moment to new resolution. I love being busy, when i still at highschool, i like to following courses, it feels good when before sleep i feel so tired. But now here, my participation at marching band that always spent my time was over because its changed to new people, and i have a little much time. At first, maybe i like to being relax, but i can't handle too much relax because it was makes me got nothing to do. So, my plan is having any productive activities beside learning matter from college and studying toefl for the next semester test. Oh my God it is not a long time anymore. I must well-prepared to keep my score good. And it was make some pressure but i want to more work hard to reach that. But sometimes i forget and miss my ambition and lack of motivation doing that.
Once upon a time. I had so many dreams, one of them is being a writer, the first things motivate me is when i be the first winner for short story competition at 'Balai Bahasa' and i got some money from that. From that i believe i have at least a little skills and i must improve my writing skills. When i got some achievement, it increase my motivation, my self-confidence, because i grow up that know sometimes people see me like i don't have any capability. And i don't want to. I want to be active. Or at least, not people who don't need to know. I want to be the part of the world. And now, i feel some regret about my character that sometimes i ignored people's feeling. At my social-life now, i don't make any sense, sometimes i don't care about what people said. But in here, we must care about our social-life to make our self calm and peace. With conflict, you will be the enemy for everybody. And its not good here when you are too far away from people who loves youu for everything you are (means : family). So if you want to survive you must refreshing your brain to make a good life here and make your place-where-you-spending-most-of-your-time easier.
My dreams :
1. Being a writer
2. Getting scholarship for my S2
3. Have a simple-minimalist home
4. Have a nice and peace family
5. Have enough money to caring my family
6. Traveling at around place in world
7. Have a fun job and capability to doing that
But by time, dreams sometimes changed. Like my idea for getting married may erased my number 2's dreams to be a career woman, like my mother, who ever getting scholarship at UGM for S2 but she realized she has the grow up children she can't left. So she can't. And my father who almost reach his dream to have s3 at australia must wash it away remembered his family here. And would be ruined our family's financial. :( Is family ruined our careers life ? could it both make it on the right way? I still don't have idea for my future. Anyway, i have a believe i don't have to worried about my future. I just doing my best for now. The future, then let it be the future. Reality is what you doing now. So i will get focused and stop to worried to much. Just doing and prepare for future ! Bismillahirrahmanirahim :)