Saturday, August 31, 2013

Camouflage On Social Media

Latest discussion at the cafe with my friend was about the camouflage on social media. The sample of this analysis is based by our close friends. The method of this post is inductive, means i made conclusion from the specific to general, from the case that i see from my friends, then make a conclusion in general.

Recently, as the development of social media and the easy access of internet could give people a right to use their personal account, like facebook, twitter, path, instagram, or even this blog and so many more. No one or nothing can stop them, so people free to read, or not to read, to share or not to share. But there would be a question, how far they can share thoughts, photos, and who will stop the readers/followers/friends judging them?

Today, the conflict that happen at social media is 'booming' too. Like the controversial post of Marissa Haque at blog, or microblog like twitter that called 'twitwar'. Then (just my personal opinion) a disturbing tweet from farhat abbas, and many anonymous user that claim themselves as investigator or journalist. If one of the user share the frontal statement that affect the mass reaction of other user because they may leak a conspiration theory or just make a stupid statement/even the smart ones. But nowadays people respons more to stupidity than intelligence. Yeah, another show-off, people! :))

The account, that represent the personality of user, sometimes could give us an unpredictable thing that would be very interesting. Like one of my friend, in the society, she would be very quiet, passive and shy, but when she is at home, hold her blackberry that connected with twitter and facebook, would change herself to be more active, seduce and confident. (Personal opinion). The other sample, one of my friend, a boy always shows a sadness, and mellow statement at his 'status' at facebook, but when we meet him, we can see a cheerful boy with light attitude. 

Ah, but you will never see how the pattern comes, and you will never make a solid theory, then. The phenomenon just a mirror to reflect the personal things, human with the complexity of psychology things. I think finally the choice is made by ourselves like how we control our self in a society, it is your choice to show people your different side that may give you another positive respons or to show off what you are good at. Its your choice, but at least dont make it really contrast and annoying if you dont want people laugh at you. Anyway, people will judge anyway, but dont mind to show who you really are. Be yourself, but lets be the best of yourself! 

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. 
Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde

Thursday, August 29, 2013

in your eyes, i'll stay.

Theres a shadow, in your window when the wind whispering how your smells when he arounds. Morning would come not so far but the awake eyes can't fake anything but missing you like i always had. 
The touch of your images just resound again and again, calling the past, make my self traped forever.
A second chance i'm willing to have just to make my self sure that i never make a mistake, but i was always wrong because you even not care to belief that i'm exist.
Love would always be a second priority between everything else. But it would always stay, in the lonely night you spend around trying to figure our how your life gonna be if we are still in the same line, talking to each other and sharing the night.
They tell that it would be impossible and it's true. But i always love challenge, and theres just no one can fit with mine. 
In your lonely eyes, i shoud stay, forever. Even i know i will never get out. i will never see freedom because once i see you, i will never be the same. 
someday will never come, and the end from here is near but i wont ever afraid. because you will always there, stay and trap in my eyes, as the one who i always loved. 
future is somewhere nowhere. but i will always here, as a girl who will stay with you and sing a lullaby when you comes around. forever, i promise.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Challenge Yourself

My college's academic phase just near to the final. But in the end, there is so many things happen, so many thoughts.  Maybe all i want before is wrong, maybe i should be at different path. I dont know. Future is so mysterious for me now. So i kinda open my mind, do everything i can or get any chance.  At least i want to make my self busy, because busy is better than being bored! :)

Today i just try to play paintball at TFK, i'm so happy that i have an adventurous friends, open minded, and accept me as who i am. They may not know my past or know me very better, but thats what i want in a friendship, not really close but not too far too. Just keep it as easy as possible. Sometimes people said that boy and girl cant be friend, because they will be fall for each other, especially when you are single. I dont think so, its our choice, its our free will to let ourself fall or not. Thanks for all of you guys! made my day!

 Taman Fantasia Kalbar (TFK), Ayani 2, Pontianak

Saturday, August 24, 2013

yang terakhir kepada rindu

hari ini adalah hari yang akan aku ingat lama. karena entah kenapa angin berbisik dengan berbeda, berkata kau tak akan pulang. lama, dan mungkin akan berbeda. maka waktu membeku. 
tapi entah kenapa kita hanya membisu, menatap cahaya yang jauh di jembatan itu, temaram dalam gemerisik sungai dan dengung perahu yang melaju.
malam ini adalah malam kau pulang, setelah begitu lama dan rasa yang lebih jauh dari jarak.
kita adalah abu, karena tidak ada yang tahu, setidaknya aku. 
kau selalu mengabulkan yang kutanyakan, mengiyakan yang kusebutkan, memberikanku pilihan.
terlalu jauh untuk kupikir aku mempunyai pilihan karena aku tidak pernah ingin memaksakan. 
rasa itu ada, hanya terlalu jauh disana.
dan aku segan, entah pula dengan kau.
kata kata itu ada, lama dibiarkan hingga nanti berdebu dan aku lupa. mengapa kita masih bersama dan apakah hanya aku saja yang merasakannya. 
kuucapkan yang terakhir kepada rindu karena setelah ini tidak akan ada lagi malam malam panjang tertawa dan janggal dalam diam kita berdua. kuucapkan selamat tinggal pada mata yang berkaca kaca dan tangan yang tak pernah sampai ke pelukmu.
sudah terlalu lama kau pergi, tapi tiada yang berubah, tiada pula rasa ganjil itu, tiada pula dada yang berdesir tiap kali kau hadir kembali.
aku tidak minta diyakinkan, tidak pula meminta diragukan. 
aku hanya memintamu. yang terakhir kali. 
mengucapkan selamat tinggal kepada rindu.

serasan, agustus 2013

yang tidak tak terbatas

elang terbang terlalu jauh malam ini tak kembali pulang
menembus pelangi memecah cakrawala
ada kepak sayap yang lelah telah terlalu jauh melangkah
menembus ruang waktu
kemudian menghilang

ada puing yang tersisakan dari percikan abu
di tengah pusaran nisanmu
aku bersimpuh

kau lebih buruk dari pagi yang terlalu dingin
dan siang yang terlalu panas
tidak hilang tapi tak juga pergi
tidak pergi tidak pula kembali
tidak ada tapi tak pula tiada

kau satu diantara berjuta
gelap diantara cahaya

kita tiada merasa
tiada mencinta
tersesat dalam pusara tanpa muara
kekal dalam waktu, kekal dalam biru

pontianak, 24 agustus 2013

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Stay The Same

There would be a memory, trapped. As many things changed, there would always something stay the same. Its the feeling wherever you around. Sometimes we just too naive to admitted, or maybe we dont feel the same.  Or i feel too much.

I just know one thing, i know when i feel happy. Its when i'm with you.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

happy eid ul-fitr !

There was a time when many things seems clearer than this video of my self, doing so many things i could remember.  Many things is past that just popped up and happened before i realize anything.  The past is the past.  We can't change that.  There was a time when i realize i keep picturing or memorizing in my mind but sometimes i just lose it.  It happened in past and sometimes we just remember the feeling of being there.

There is so many things in my life that happen out of my control, some of my delusive mind could tell me to.  But what i know for certain is something just left, someone would left. What meant to be can be sure what happen to be. We cant control our destiny, how hard we struggling or how hard we try, we can't control our past, or our future.  We can't be sure about anything else going on in this life. We can't expect anything because you will end up losing your own game.  Just satisfy yourself at this moment.  Do what you want and blend it with something you need to do. Do it for your own happiness because you will never know, you just never know. But at least, have some faith for yourself, your destiny, and people around you. 

Anyway, i made this blog as long as i cant remember how it feel for the first time, just to write something and feel like there would be someone else reading it, like you have a friend and you just talk over and over again, even sometimes they didn't listen what you really meant, but its never matter, because its just when you talk or spill out your words, it just calming down and make you see something clearer, or more ruined it?. But at least you know finally what you will got or what may you imply. Maybe.

Yesterday i just go to Singkawang and Sambas to visit the daughter of my deceased grandma and theirs family. Then i visit my friend, Melya. 

at Alianjang's street, Singkawang with my friend, Melya

at Keraton Sambas, beside my family's house with my cousin Zeeva

Meet again with your families and friends for me is just quite touching because sometimes i just feel like i just enjoy to be alone with my self, but sometimes family and friend just enlighten your day. So at this moment, eid fitr, we will visit their home have a nice talk and show them that we are care. That they are meant something to us. They are the part of our lives and we'r very thankful they come to our lifes.

At Danau Sebedang, Sambas

Happy eid ul-fitr everyone! Minal aidin wal faidzin :)

Monday, August 5, 2013


Di tengah televisi yang menggumam itu, ada segelas air putih yang sudah terlanjur habis dan belum lagi diisi. Beberapa jemari telah mengisi jeda di jemarimu yang renggang namun tidak juga kau acuhkan, ketika kau terlalu sibuk dengan duniamu, ambisimu yang menghantui dengan jam jam sibuk dan penuh tekanan.
Tapi rupanya aku salah, ketidakmampuanmu merasa bukan karena kau tidak perduli, tapi kau terlalu naif untuk melepaskan, dan egomu terlalu tinggi untuk mengakui apa yang sebenarnya kau rasakan.
Hidup itu membosankan, katamu, untuk datang dengan hal yang biasa, menjadi biasa dan melakukan hal hal yang biasa. Tidak pernah cukup untukku, katamu.

Setiap hari kau berlari, mengejar entah apa, yang kau definisikan sebagai jam jam panjang dengan aku, sebagai jeda yang manis di antara mimpi-mimpimu yang mati matian kau wujudkan. Lama aku baru menyadari akhirnya, bukan kesibukan yang mengejarmu, tapi kamu yang mengejar kesibukan itu. Kesibukan yang kau kira mampu membunuh kesepian kesepianmu, malam malam yang penuh dengan kebosanan dan pertanyaan-pertanyaanmu yang terlalu panjang tentang hidup.

Kau adalah orang teregois yang pernah aku kenal, tapi kemudian adalah orang yang paling bisa kupahami karena aku tahu apa yang telah kau lalui hari demi hari.  Dan dalam kehidupan yang tidak pernah terduga, aku hanya datang, untuk menggenggam tanganmu dan menenangkanmu.

Kadang aku tidak mengakui diriku jadi yang kedua, tidak pula kau yang menegaskan bahwa aku adalah yang kedua. Tidak, hubungan kita terlalu jauh untuk dapat diberi label dan diberi nama.

Kita hanya, kita...

Kekecewaan bukan lagi hal baru untuk kita, pengkhianatan, cinta yang tak tersampaikan dan tak terabaikan bukan lagi barang mewah. Apalagi sebuah cinta yang setia.

Aku tidak mengenal cinta yang setia, tidak pula kau. Mungkin karena hal hal yang telah terlalu sering kita lihat untuk memaknai apa yang ada tidak seperti kacamata orang lain.

Kita tidak bermasalah, hanya memandangnya dengan cara yang berbeda dari sudut pandang orang lain.

Tidak, kita tidak menggombal kata cinta, tidak pula melakukan hal hal yang harusnya belum dilakukan. Tidak, kita jauh dari itu.

Kita hanya, berbagi. Berbagi rasa, berbagi cerita, berbagai keluh, berbagi rasa sakit. Dan kemudian saling menenangkan.

Untuk itu, aku tidak perlu memotong hubungan asmara siapapun juga karena aku sudah tahu rasanya, dan aku sudah pernah melaluinya. Aku mengerti.

Aku tidak pernah menuntut, tidak pula mengejar.

Kita hanya menyediakan waktu masing-masing, menyesuaikan jadwal, mengisi jeda dalam hidup kita masing-masing, kemudian menghabiskannya bersama.

Terlalu munafik untuk melihat kembali masa lalu, tidak pula terlalu terburu buru untuk menjalani masa depan, kita adalah saat ini, detik ini dalam kerapatan jemari yang saling menggenggam untuk saling menguatkan.

Mungkin suatu hari semuanya itu akan berhenti ketika kita berdua tidak lagi nyaman, waktu yang tidak lagi pas dan hasrat yang tidak lagi cukup.

Mungkin juga suatu hari kita akan masuk ke dalam sebuah tahap yang baru, tahap yang jelas, tahap yang berkomitmen dan mengikat untuk memperbolehkan kita tidak hanya berbagi diri kita berdua tetapi juga teman dan keluarga.

Mungkin juga suatu hari nanti, ini semua tidak lagi berarti apa apa.


Siapa yang tahu?

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Goodbye July

If i seen through this month a year before, i could surprise to make it through like now. Where i am now, improved than myself one year before on this July. I'm glad finally i could learn much to unlove. I learn a lot to finally think about myself. I learn to be egoist.  I learn to make myself as a prior than anyone. Because people come and go, but my self will always stay.

taken from

So finally i can say goodbye July,goodbye my hardest time i ever been through. Thank you for so much lesson.  Thank you for fill my last four years. Happy or Sad. Passionate or Desperate. The whole package that could be my pebble stone to step higher.  I will stop feel pathetic, i will stop playing victim, i will stop feel sorry and i will stop make any harm for my self. Life will go on and i hope will be better.

never forget to enjoy and having fun!

Welcome August!