Monday, January 14, 2013

Deepest Regret

Sometimes in the middle of the night, or when i'm alone, sitting and wondering.  There is something that comes to my mind and haunt me, annoy and distract my feeling.  Its full me up then i feel sad about it.  Regret.

Regret is a negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviours.  Regret is often expressed by the term 'sorry'.  Often feeling of sadness, shame, embarrassment, depressiom, annoyance or guilt, after one acts in a manner an later wishes not to have done so (said wiki).

Maybe wiki could choose words to decribe about what i feel even i can't decribe a right words to express it enough.  That something in your past haunt you, left a big hole in your heart that you know no one can fill it again, even you try over and over again.  That no one can replace and erase your memory about the beautiful things, at once the regretful things that even it just comes to you as a flash you will feel a pain, dissapoint, angry, etc that makes your feeling is not good.  Something that unfinished yet but you can't make an action to finish it, something that you can't handle then over and over again humming in your hearts, ears then your eyes. Something that comes to you asking for something you can't aswer.  Something haunt you but you can do anything to fix because its already over.  Something that you must let go but it'll come back again, then you realize you can't.  Or you won't let it go.

Something that you want forget, you want to let go but you end up missing it again and again because you know it is the last thing left that you can stay with.  Something that makes you feel best but also hurt you with the biggest pain, something that you never feel before.  Something that makes you change and be better better person and learn from what ever happened.  Something, that used to be someone.  Who fill you.  Someone that you regret to know, but also thankful to know.  Someone that you want to forget but you can't.  Someone who give you biggest lesson that hardly to get over it.  Someone who is stranger to you now.  Can I?

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