My Favourite Kind Of Love

*our holding hands, at chalicious cafe

You make me see the sun when i once saw cloud. You believe in me so much that i start to believe in myself again. You makes me finally, feel something again.  Thankyou.  For all the circumstances life make us meet at the very wrong place, i'm so glad that its you.  Now i'm at some point that i dont care about anything.  I just want to feel happy.  And with you, i definite my happiness.

I almost not believe in love again after through many things in my life.  I think i just can love one person deeply in my life and stuck till the end.  But with you, i learn so much lesson about loving and caring about someone, without any attachment, any desire to own, or even carry away my own ego.  Its just a pure, simple love.  A need just to calm and make other person feel comfort, feel free to be himself/herself.  Put so much love, but also make a space to another things.  Feel and embrace love when at the same time being ignorant about anything else.

I dont want to predict the future, because its just seems so far away.  And its feel almost impossible for me to keeping you till the last.  I know it, and i dont want to expect too much.   I know i cant promise you a word, i hope you, either.  I just want to show how much i loving you right now, at this point, more than everyone before you.  

Maybe love just being a little hard for me lately, and its hard for me to accept the reality that for now, i feel in love again.  Its just feel like... a dream.  Maybe its how love suppossed to be.  To be a dream, to make you appreciate it more when you ever lost all of what you have before.  Its good to feel it again after you lost everything you have.  Even now, you'r already prepared yourself, to be lost, and to be found again.  

Nothing lasts forever, they said.  But, how long is forever? who cares about forever? As long as you feel it now, go for it.  Reach it, call it, say it.  Before you lost it, before you miss the opportunity for God only knows. 

Hello, i just want to hold your hand, and forget anything behind, anything in front.  I just want us.  For now.  Maybe for later.  Who knows?

For My Ferre, since 11 December 2014.

Please call it magic.

I know that people live in their boring life, waiting for some magic about to happen.  Sadly, there is no magic.  Life is not a fairytale.  And magic is just about the wrong things that people want with wrong way.  Even its also not flat, excited, makes yourself burn.  It makes yourself taste a different kind of things. Something new always excite you, makes yourself free to do things differently, but what else?

People always love a challenge.  Only when they think they have a same opportunity to win it.  Life is a long long competition.  You can choose your battle.  But sometimes you just dont.

You start realize that its not your battle but things just happened.  Accidentally, with a will from both of people.  And then its just, happened.  For no reason, for no purpose.  A cycle that i know someday it will ended.  

What is more exciting than own something that you know its not your own?  And then you realize that all of things in life its not your own.  You just borrowed from someone else.  You cant really choose what life gives to you.  But you can choose to do your best from whatever life gives to you.

Who will understand what happened tomorrow?  Is magic about to happen? For real? How long i will believe it?

Danau Lait

Danau Lait, Ambawang, Kalimantan Barat merupakan danau yang disebut-sebut sebagai miniatur Danau Sentarum.  Perjalanan yang ditempuh ke Danau Lait jauh lebih mudah pula dibanding perjalanan menuju Danau Sentarum apabila dari Pusat Kota Pontianak. Perjalanan ke Danau Lait hanya ditempuh sekitar 3-4 jam dengan menggunakan kendaraan roda dua.  Yang cukup sulit adalah jalan yang harus dilalui sekitar satu jam dari jalan trans kalimantan menuju pos penyeberangan menuju pemukiman penduduk di tengah danau dimana jalan tersebut merupakan jalan tanah kuning yang menanjak dan menurun yang curam. Pemukiman yang berisi sekitar 39 kepala keluarga ini bermata pencaharian nelayan serta memanfaatkan hutan lebat di sekitar.  Perjalanan ke Danau Lait merupakan sebuah pengalaman yang baru, karena sebelumnya sama sekali belum pernah mendengar nama danau yang tidak jauh dari pusat kota ini sama sekali.  Sebuah poin penting, untuk terus menerus melihat dan memperhatikan segala sesuatunya di sekitar kita, sebelum mencari di suatu tempat yang lainnya.  Mungkin kau ketinggalan menemukan sesuatu.

17-18 Januari 2015

kepada janji dan waktu

*personal photo at vendereeng, bengkayang.

pernah aku percaya sebuah janji yang begitu hebatnya

indah dan menenggelamkan lara yang pernah ada

yang kemudian membakar habis percaya, 

menjadikannya asa

hingga yang tersisa hanya hampa

ingin kukatakan padamu kali ini

jangan pernah lagi berjanji untuk nanti

karena waktu, 

adalah musuh bagi pecinta yang merasakannya hari ini

mungkin saja hanya untuk hari ini

karena waktu,

adalah satuan yang tiba tiba saja bisa mengalikan nol semua 

karena waktu, 

adalah jarak yang paling jauh, sekaligus yang paling dekat

untuk memisahkan apa saja

untuk menyatukan apa saja

maka kukatakan padamu satu rahasia

jangan pernah berjanji untuk esok, untuk lusa

berjanjilah untuk saat ini, hari ini, rasa ini.

karena pada nanti

mungkin tiada kita lagi.

Januari 2015