i speak happy

sometimes sadness and sorrow just hit you like a dark cloud that follow you wherever you go, it could shapes into many forms, failed relationship, failed on getting your goals, or just a random little failure. it all haunting you all around until finally you feel you cant take it anymore. you really sick of that desperation, its year over the year leave you hanging and wondering, would you finally get what your heart desire? or its all just the utopia, the illussion that could drawn you into nowhere. there would be never a perfect utopian place for all your wild imagination and secret desire. 

the 'what if' cant get you whenever you want. the beautiful memories should stay in the past. all the things you cant let go, its finally time to say goodbye. its always hurt, because its matter, because you feel the real happiness, all the real feeling, as good as it gets at the moment. but the moment already passed. you should ready for the next happiness, the next chapter. you cant move forward if its become the habbit to staying in the past while all the people already moving. you deserve to go too.

its not a comfortable feeling, not a familiar surrounding, may not be your best option, or your heart's most desire. but sometimes life is about keeping your expectation high, but also you should look around and stay true to yourself. be complete honest, at least for yourself.

you are the only one, the special one. the one who always fit, enough. if they cant accept you, then its their lost, you already try your best and its really okay to feel sad. but please, move. get up in the morning and have the new hope, the new strategy, the new reflection on what should you do next, the planned steps to be better, one step ahead from your previous mistakes, previous failure, make your next, your experiment, that may not as smooth as you imagined, but its where the growth placed. its where you should be. you already passed the storm, now its time to deconstruct and make a better place, the better stack, the new design that twice stronger because the storm gives you an important clue, not making the same mistakes. so, speak happiness, speak louder for yourself, speak for your true self. maybe somewhere, you could build your own house with a warmth heart and forgiven soul.

10/07/2023