Recently i just got some issues in my life. The hole when i take a deep breath. The moment that torture me when i'm alone. All of that just makes me feel more hate and anger. After months, finally i can get my head clear and move on. The contemplation of what i'm doing right now, the hole that haunt me, the incomplete feeling that i must realize. I step forward, i being honest. No more hate, no more anger. I try to manage that with clear the problem and start the communication. I dont know it is right or not. At least, it gives me closure. Closure that finally place me to see in other's people eyes. Closure that means acceptance, that none of us is perfect. Neither do i.
That moment just give me more time to lay in my bed then think. To making deep contemplation, try to more understand whats going to my life. That missing feeling that hold me from move on and enjoying my life. Because i'm so tired of all this drama and people who escape. I just want to make it clear to myself, for what i'm gonna do next and left all behind.
For now, i will stay focus on my self that i ignored. I must learn more about my self, i must love myself trully first on that i can love others trully too. People change, i change and i want to make what i went through give me more great life to increase my quality as a human-being. I will never stop trying, to knowing more, to understand more whats the best for me. And when i'm busy of that i want to make sure i will be my self then dont do bad to others, to give more, love more sincerely without mush ego and selfish things. I try to let go and just live the life as God's plan and offer. Maybe i will get another luck, who know ?
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